Kingdom Conflict
The title of the message today is Kingdom Conflict. Who in here has had the privilege of having conflict with another human being on this earth before? Every hand, every person! All of us! All my points today start with when conflict arises. Because… it is inevitable! Jesus knew that, and he teaches us how to handle conflict.
J. Carl Laney writes, “The church today is suffering from an infection which has been allowed to fester.… As an infection weakens the body by destroying its defense mechanisms, so the church has been weakened by this ugly sore. The church has lost its power and effectiveness in serving as a vehicle for social, moral, and spiritual change. This illness is due, at least in part, to a neglect of church discipline.” (Laney, A Guide to Church Discipline, 12)
The difficulty with many today is that they have conflict with somebody but they either refuse to talk to the party and keep in the bitterness and allow it to fester and cause problems. Or, even worse, they tell a bunch of people and cause conflict throughout the whole body! This gets difficult when there is resolution, because all parties aren’t there for the restoration and grudges are held unresolved!
This is very important church. If we are going to move forward, into all we are supposed to be, we need to handle conflict biblically. We can’t ignore it and do nothing about it and allow it to destroy us inside and those around us.
There WILL be conflict, it is a guarantee! The question to you and me is, will we handle that conflict with maturity? Jesus gives us a direct order, are we listening to his order? He says if we love him we will obey him (John 14:15). Are we following this order?
It is the harder road, it might frighten you, but following Jesus has never been advertised as easy! Take heart in this friend, the more and more you do it, the easier they get. (Crucial Conversations book recommendation) The more you walk the way Christ has commanded you to walk, the more he will honor you and the more you will be at peace. When you handle conflict God’s way, you are blessed with God’s things: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness… these all come as a result of obedience.
When conflict arises, redemption should always be the goal
If our goal is to be right or to one up the person, we have lost from the start. The goal of what Jesus is telling us to do here is to redeem the relationship and to restore the community that is being fractured.
It is far easier to sit and be a listening ear to the “tea” than to be a kingdom minded person who directs the person back to the other. But we are called to go to the person!
True or false, community is fractured by conflict. True! It is never just the two parties that are affected by this situation, it is the whole community. Jesus is concerned with the health of his church, the entire church. So much so, that he gives us these steps to keep the entire church healthy.
So, with redemption being the goal, how ought we to have these conversations?
Expositors Bible Commentary: “Jesus assumes that the individual who personally confronts a brother will do so with true humility (vv. 3–4; cf. Gal 6:1): if it is hard to accept a rebuke, even a private one, it is harder still to administer one in loving humility.”
Humility, grace, and love are the 3 ingredients that need to surround this conversation. They need to be present in the one initiating the conversation, and the person who has caused the offense.
When we carry humility, grace, and love, we can’t go wrong! I teach this a lot in my premarital counseling sessions, what the person may be feeling may not feel real, but it is entirely real to them. I would say that 90% of the time the offense that we caused wasn’t on purpose. And we might even get offended, that they are offended! “What a silly thing to get mad at. Grow up!”
Remember: humility, grace, and love. It is real to them. Is our goal to defend ourselves? Is our goal to be right? Is our goal to be justified? Our goal is always: redemption.
I say often, no divorce is 100 to 0. Sometimes it can be as extreme as 95 to 5… but never 100 to 0. Even if it is the extreme, 95 to 5, we need to own our 5%. We honor and serve God (first and foremost), and the other person when we own our part. One of the best things I’ve ever done for my kids is admit when I was wrong and ask for their forgiveness.
Our goal is redemption, nothing else. The way to achieve that goal is humility, grace, and love. Our communion with one another gets deeper as a result of handling conflict in a biblical way. There is now no more hidden frustrations, no built up anger that leads us to act out, and genuine love and understanding for the people we do life with.
Handling conflict biblically begins between you and the other person, which is where most church discipline is intended to happen. This kind of interaction is supposed to happen all the time in the context of our relationships with one another. If we would only get this first step right, we might find that about 95 percent of the work of church discipline and restoration has been taken care of before anyone else becomes involved.
When conflict arises, we might need help
The goal is for the circle to remain as small as possible. We don’t want the leaven to work its way through the whole dough. Jesus is strongly encouraging us not to hang all the dirty laundry of the church for all to see. If you are the one wrong, (and we all have been before, if you can’t remember a time you were wrong we have a serious problem) you wouldn’t want your stuff out there for all to see right?
But there are times that the small circle isn’t enough for redemption. So what do we do next? Jesus cites Deuteronomy 19:15 and shows the importance of witnesses during conflict. This continues the process of keeping a smaller circle.
The point of this step is not to gang up on your brother, but to bring in other healthy, mature believers (others should be excluded from this role) who can help think through the situation better.
After this, Jesus broadens the audience more to the church. Sounds embarrassing and unloving right? We’re tempted to think, “Why tell a whole group of people about this brother and his sin?” In reality, however, the entire church is saying together, “We love you, and we want you to come back to Christ.” God loves us so much that if we are caught in sin, He will send an entire army of believers to us as a demonstration of His love and mercy. That is the goal.
When conflict arises, Jesus gives us the power that we need
Excommunication rounds out the final step. How unloving does that sound?! Well first off, I have only seen this used once in 30 years in church. It was for a person who refused to acknowledge their sin, didn’t plan on changing, and wanted to stay in the community stirring up dissension and strife. Jesus gives us the authority to make a decision here, to release them and both parties move in different directions.
David Platt says this in his commentary: “Again, the goal in church discipline and restoration is that people will see their sin and return to Christ and that sin will not spread further like leaven (1 Cor 5:5–6). This is for the good of that individual and the protection and purity of the church. Ultimately, it’s for the glory of God in the body of Christ.”
Verses 18-20 are some of the most confusing and misused verses in the Bible. What do they mean? Context is everything! Remember, we are talking about church conflict here. This is what they pertain to.
He has given us his authority (verse 18)
“Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”
What does this mean? This language is very similar to Matthew 16:19. Again, Jesus is not giving some special authority to us outside of Himself, but rather it is attached to Him and His Word. He is saying that what we do as a church in His name, with His authority, is a reflection of what He does in heaven.
So, if someone comes to the church and says, “I am living in sin and I am unrepentant—I will not turn to Christ,” then we can say to that person with authority, “You are living bound in sin and your sin is not forgiven.” To be clear, their sin is not unforgiven because we said so. Their sin is unforgiven because Christ has said so in His Word.
Similarly, if someone says that they are willing to turn from their sin, then we can say to them with full confidence that their sin is forgiven and they are now free from it. Jesus has given us the privilege of proclaiming what He has said to be true.
He has granted us his support (verse 19)
“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”
This is another verse that has often been abused. Jesus is not giving us a blank check whereby we simply find someone else who agrees with us, and then God automatically responds by giving us whatever we want. Remember the context: Jesus has just finished talking about the scenario when two or three believers confront a brother in sin (v. 15-16). He’s saying that we have the full support of the Father in heaven when we gather together in unison to confront sin in the church.
Jesus knows that church discipline is not easy, and that we will be tempted to shy away from it and not carry it out. He’s encouraging us with the resources of heaven.
He has guaranteed us his presence (verse 20)
“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
This is probably the most abused verse in this passage. If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, you’ve likely heard the idea that where two or three believers are gathered, Jesus is there. But what about when you were in your prayer closet alone today—does that mean Jesus was waiting for someone else to show up before He came into the picture? No, definitely not (Matt 6:6). Jesus is not saying, “Once you’ve got two or three together, count Me in.”
Instead, in this context He’s talking about the difficult work of church discipline when two or three believers are gathered to address a brother or sister living in unrepentant sin. When we do the tough work of gentle, loving confrontation, we can be assured that Christ’s presence, which is always with us (Matt 28:20), will be especially real and strong in the middle of that situation. This should give us great confidence to have hard conversations.
Conclusion
You WILL have conflict in church. It is a guarantee! But Christ gives us a couple of guarantees if we do conflict the Biblical way.
First, if our goal is redemption, we can’t go wrong. When we come with humility, grace, and love, we have given God so much to work with in our situation. If we come in with anger, needing to be right, and a desire to prove someone wrong, we give God very little to work with.
Second, God gives us help! We don’t need to go alone if we first fail on our own. God has given us people to support us and walk with this in the process of redemption. He uses others in the church to walk with us through difficult things.
And third, he has given us authority. Not in a narcissistic way, but in an empowering way. You are part of God’s kingdom, and keeping that kingdom healthy and God honoring is a privilege he has given to the people of God. Don’t fret in conflict, he has given you authority to honor his name and carry out redemption and resolution by his power and under his authority.
When our hearts are pure and our motives are right, God can do anything. Not just in conflict, but in every area of our life. So who has God called you to resolve conflict with?